Unsatisfactory Software misc
Software Magazines Misc About

These are the Professional Crap Games: commercial releases that were rated lowest by visitors to World Of Spectrum. Somebody deemed these worth publishing, so they can't be that bad... can they?

Let's take a look at the bottom five.

5. Butterfly

I was already dreading this when the title screen beeped upon each block graphic it drew. Took a quick look at the instructions, and apparently I have a live wire on my window sill. Isn't that a bit.. y'know... dangerous?

It's the usual BASIC random "chase the object around the screen" affair, with no score indication on screen and for some reason Pac-Man appears randomly with no means of escape.

Even in 1983 I would have been disappointed if I'd paid for this.

4. Voyage into the Unknown

The title sums up my mindset as I prepare to load this game. Still, it's a Mastertronic title so I'd expect something a little bit flashy.

Well, it has a loading screen at least, unfortunately nothing much seems to happen after that - I had to hit BREAK and type CONTINUE to get into the game (maybe I was just being impatient).

Pressing keys seems to make random events happen, none of which have much bearing on what happens, other than the fact I die after two minutes. It rather reminds me of Novotron 8 from a few years back, except that was a lot more fun.

3. Boat Run

I'm not quite sure what that UDG is supposed to be. It probably doesn't matter - this is actually quite a good game, or would be if it wasn't completeable within five minutes of picking it up. And if the collision detection wasn't so icky. The controls could do with being a little more responsive too.

It's a bit like the Project X bonus game that did the rounds on the Amiga, except it is much slower, blockier, jerkier and the entire game has a maximum score of just 111.

Little wonder it remains unpublished.

2. Sqij

Ah, Sqij. This game has gained some sort of infamy with c.s.s in the past, and I'm only too pleased to re-visit it as it is truly the most awful game I've ever played. But then I haven't played the game at number 1 in WOS' list yet.

Sqij is a port (and I use that term loosely) of a game on an inferior computer. The first thing you notice - after discovering that it won't work in 128K mode - is that the pigeon you control takes up most of the screen. The second thing you notice is that although you can't actually move due to an ingenious bug in the game (it POKEs caps lock on and then checks for lower-case key presses), you are racking up score anyway and won't die if you stay there.

Truly dire.

1. Uchi Mata

I have little faith that anything can top Sqij in the crapness stakes, especially as this got 7/10 in YS.

Having now played it, I have little idea what's going on. In fact, I'm not even sure when it was in "demo" mode and when I was actually playing. It looks polished (well, it has some sort of speed loader), but other than that I can't think of a single good thing to say about it.

It's not as hilariously bad as Sqij, but it certainly is crap.