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Simon.  With those 'girls'Simon operates under the pseudonym of "Network Manager", so in an Unsatisfactory Software sense, he looks after the whole of the Internet. Yes: all of it. Essentially we have now put him in charge of getting some limited edition Unsatisfactory Software T-shirts printed (which we are still waiting for, after about five years), and we will welcome any suggestions of a picture or logo to put on the front.

Outside of Unsat, Si plays networked games of Quake and dabbles with music and the realms of creating audio CDs. Not all at the same time, though. That would be silly.

Simon was once made slightly famous by appearing in his very own calculator game. The game, entitled "Identify Simon", consisted of a poor text representation of Simon on the calculator display. The object was to say whether you thought the picture was actually Simon or not, and the calculator would then say whether you were right. Except it was programmed in such a way you had no hope of winning.

I could write loads more stuff here, but it's mostly potentially damaging, and I quite like living so I'm going to leave it there.